Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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