dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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