No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
