if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
