Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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