My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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