Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize