I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
