Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
