I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
