the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize