You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
