I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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