So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
