You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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