Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
