I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
