she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
