3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
