I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
