i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
