Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
3 2 1 whiskey
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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