dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
try to milk me bitch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
