Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
