U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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