There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
