Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
