I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
