i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
