I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think my tv is drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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