I could make wine with my vomit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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