If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
