plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
