So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
