And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need water and some morals
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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