dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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