Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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