whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
