Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
