...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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