My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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