i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
