I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
