3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
