he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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