the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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