I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
