Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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