Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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