did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
