she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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