she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
