Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
