Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
