Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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