Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
