Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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