I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
