yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
