Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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