bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
