I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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