Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
