Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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