Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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