Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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