omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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