Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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