THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
