So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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