he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
