I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
