my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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