How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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