Banned from zoo.
Again?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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