either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
