She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
