There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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