fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
